I had to share this conversation I had with my hairdresser!
I am a lover of handbags and shoes. However, such is infinite punishment that of course with my back I can’t wear my lovely shoes (but at least I can walk now), and I don’t use handbags, as they tend to make me lopsided and trigger things off, very boring I know!
However I have a stash of absolutely beautiful handbags. My grandmother’s boyfriend in the 60’s used to make the most stunning handbags out of patent leather, some in Audrey Hepburn style, some really quite radical for its time.
I had an appointment at the haidressers, wooohoo and the day before got given a handbag. Now bad back or not, what girl can just tuck away a brand new handbag? It had to have an outing.
A plus factor
The handbag was red, my fav colour, I have some odd thing about the colour red from the Wizard of Oz has born a fetish for red shoes, but my ‘nice’ upbringing makes me feel bad for wearing them…more back in the closet.
So red empty handbag (yes just a purse and house keys that was it, oh yes and my phone, I must not lie) was looped upon elbow and to really go for it, a red wrap.
As I walked in there was a big beaming smile from my hairdresser “oh you look like little red Riding Hood”…I was feeling rather frivolous and said “oh yes and where’s the wolf?” (forget Grandma). I won’t tell you his reply.
Anyway I then went on to explain how I had got the lovely red handbag from a rather well known blogger, who has a blog called 11 inchs and up! At that precise moment he became really rather animated, eyes became large, eyebrows twitched and he said in that “are you being served kind of way” “ooooooeeeeerrrr”.
I just looked at him, ‘not quite getting it’, I am quite naive and he continued “I must see that blog, what does she write?” he started laughing and still remained excited. I still looked at him and then looked down at the bag which by this time the receptionist was trying to yank away from me. I swear she was trying to steal it.
Anyway I said “well it is written by a woman who only wears 11 inch heels and up!”
His face dropped
I cottoned on and blushed the same colour as my handbag, oh yes I put on a matronly voice saying “ooooeeer I thought I was a rude gal but you really take the biscuit, that really is rude, that would never have occurred to me, just goes to show where your mind is!” Yes I said it with an authoritive tone. I thought for a moment as he was holding his belly laughing, wetness starting to appear around his eyeballs.
I said quite naively honestly “I don’t know what men you have been hanging around who have……”
He responded “I’m gay luv what do you expect?”
I nearly fainted, not because he is gay but the idea that most gay men have 11 inch penises?
Seriously do most gay men have 11 inch penises, is there some genetic definition that makes their appendage grow especially longer than straight men?
All I can say is thank goodness it was not 11 inchs up and 6 wide!!!!!
It is not what it seems
I recounted this story to my husband. You see it is him who is doing some work on this bloggers house and she has now given me two lovely hangbags. He looked at me and said “it’s 5 inchs and up you silly……” I won’t repeat the last word, but suffice to say I was having what they say “a blond moment” and no offence to blondes…(ducks from Victorias slapping hand)
I have to say it has slightly ruined my whole handbag experience, I cannot look at it in the same way.
I had a lovely haircut.
For my lovely fiance Mara (yes we are having some fun) as requested here is a piccie!
Now I will dream of this and certain things all night! ….. sighs woefully