A crap journey! Pet tales & humour….really I promise….

A crap journey!

I decided to link up with the emotion” I chose for the A-Z blogging challenge, the letter being R and the word repulsed.  You will see the post here.

Mara from Mara Easterns personal blog said to me with regards to this post ….

“Repulsed” in an interesting choice. I was thinking of “rejection” first… Hope there’s nothing repulsive about your Easter though 😉

I had to cough slightly as I could not say that that was true…those faint hearted and not doggy lovers best click on to a different post of mine (of course I won’t direct you anywhere else…snickers!)

So I continue

267We were returning from our weeks vacation in lovely North Devon, having relaxed and walked amongst the sand dunes and taken in the sea air.

I was nervous about the drive and possible traffic, mainly due to my back and chronic pain.  Sitting sets my pain levels off, so I dosed up and hoped that it wouldn’t be too horrendous.

61178_widenative-408x264We will add to the mix the car is full of one husband (shrek), I shall refer to him as shrek from now on.  It honestly isn’t an insult, he is quite proud of the name and there is good reasoning for the likening.

Then there are my two boys, plus two dogs, who were squashed in to the footwell, not the chldren, the dogs that is 🙂

To set the scene

  • One of my sons has tics, which involves him shouting out and making loud noises which can be quite jarring over a long period of time though I know he can’t help it, but it gives an idea as to the ambiance within the car. (you can read about Tourettes in another of my posts, here & here)
  • My other son has ADHD and constantly needs to talk, make noise and or move about.
  • Shrek sings loudly upon occassion and or picks his nose, plus needs to eats lots of sweets otherwise he falls asleep.
  • The dogs, oh my, really they stink, they fart constantly and Teddy was trying to get between the chairs to come and visit us at the front, a definite no, no.

How to entertain the kids on a journey?

car journeyHow do you do this as parents?

Do you do it the ‘cheating’ way and just throw tablets at them? (no I don’t mean medicate them up, though this has crossed my mind on a few occasions when encountering much stress).

Or do you play games, get quiet time, do they fall asleep?  Oh my they must be angels then..haha…

As you can imagine, it’s pretty frantic in the car.

So we played “eye spy” as one does, however last year when playing this we missed our stop and had to backtrack a few hours back up the motorway.

So this year before the game was even mentioned, I say to shrek “wow there are so many dead animals on the road it is shocking”.  He mumbles, then starts to point out the dead animals and or birds.  He gets quite animated about it.(I was a little concerned over this!)

What happens next?

The kids want to know what is going on “what is daddy pointing at?”

In my defense at this point I would like to point out that I was utterly shattered and just wanted the car ride to be over.  I think my mind rationale left me at this stage.

I say responsibly?? “Daddy is pointing out dead animals and birds”.

Brain fart moment..“let’s play eye spy and see who can count the most dead animals or birds by the time we get to our destination.  Whoever gets the most wins”

Seriously?

Did I really say this?

OMG they loved this game, I am worried about my family.  But what a game to play…seriously…you should have heard the conversation…

“Theres a dead bird, one point to me”

Answer from shrek “no that doesn’t count as that was part of the bird was just saw”

Child starts to cry “but that’s not fair”

Shrek “it’s fair you can’t count body parts split up along the road”

(seriously I am laughing with a sense of OMG running through my veins, did we really do this, did we?  The answer is yes)…..

road killI feel a sense of guilt that I have introduced this game of spotting road kill.

So on the way back, yes the tablets came out..I wanted them to forget the Road Kill Game.

The next stage of the story..

I wind down the window, I need a blast of cold air against my face. It seems to help with the slowly meandering sensation of pain that threatens to invade my body, panic sets in, the cold blast, literally blasts it away.

Shrek shouts “I am bloody cold, put the window up, my fingers will freeze and I won’t be able to drive.”

This is slightly dramatic to say the least considering the weather is warm.  I tend to ignore him in these moments.  Window goes up however.

I hear panting, I look back, it’s not the children.

pug

It gets longer than this

My old pug, ‘splodge’ is panting and for those who have seen him before his tongue always sticks out.  It is now on the floor.

PANIC SETS IN, OMG HE IS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK

“WIND DOWN THE WINDOWS, ALL OF THEM” I shout.

pug on backMy reasoning being he has small flat nostrils and being wedged in the foot well there is no circulating air, he is old = heart attack.

He stops panting for a while = result.

Then he starts again, the same process over a few times, the dog moves about in his small foot well.

Windows go back up, I look back, something is not quite right.

I see my pugs bottom, I see my sons expensive running shoes, I smell something!

The finale

OMG the dog is pooing all over the foot well, over my sons shoes, everywhere!!!

Then he sits, then he turns, basically smearing a runny tummy all over the place. (yes I won’t go in to detail of speed or texture of his eruption)

AT__a_pug_and_a_sausage_by_ponjyI turn to shrek who is driving the car down the motorway “Oh my god, you should have not fed the dog that spicy left over sausage, frankfurters do not agree with him, pull over, pull over”.

Meanwhile my 11yr old son starts shouting “I hate the bloody dog, the bloody dog pooed all over my feet, I can’t believe the dog did that”

Trying to explain to him at this point that the dog can’t talk and ask the car to stop so he can poop isn’t really going to make a difference.

Then he starts to tic REALLY loudly inbetween making gagging sounds as he holds back from vomiting over everyone.

The windows are wound down, we eventually find a residential area to pull over in.

Shrek pulls the cushion covered in poop out, which flies in sections all over the road.  Shrek then treads in it!!!  Shrek then swears a lot.

Poop CycleMy eldest son is still swearing at the dog who at this point is out on his lead excavating himself further over a small patch of grass.(the dog not my son)

My youngest is running around with teddy on a lead shouting and laughing hysterically at all the goings on and winding his brother up.

Luckily we had lots of water bottles and a whole roll of loo paper stolen from the chalet (yes for some reason I panic if there is no loo paper around, but do you blame me with a family like mine?)

To cut a long story short..all was cleaned up, my son does not swear at the dog anymore, it took him a day to get over it.

The soiled items were put in to a bag ready for the washing machine.

I with gloved hands put said items in the washing machine when I got home and pressed start..walked away…returned…OMG did the dog pee everywhere?  Nope the washing machine flooded!!!

That’s family life for one right?

Thanks for those who could stomach reading this, but I had to for some sick reason share my story!

Justine x

© Justine @ Eclecticoddsnsods.com

Living in East Sheen blog

Come browse one of my other blogs?

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  45 comments for “A crap journey! Pet tales & humour….really I promise….

  1. kentuckygal50
    April 21, 2014 at 4:02 PM

    OMG, what a trip! I don’t know about the kids, but I would definitely medicate myself after that one! We took our dog on a 900 mile trip to Texas a couple of times. The first time, she threw up about 30 minutes in, and a few more times after that, but since then she’s tolerated the trip rather well.

    Like

    • April 21, 2014 at 4:07 PM

      I know it was a trip from well, I can’t even say LOL….I am still just recovering from the shock of it all…haha…it really was like a carry on movie LOL… xx

      Like

  2. April 21, 2014 at 4:16 PM

    We used to play “Name that Roadkill” which seemed perfectly normal in our family… until my siblings and I were in college and learned that’s not what other families did. Tablets may be normal- but roadkill is more fun!

    Like

    • April 21, 2014 at 4:18 PM

      Haha, I am so glad someone elses family is like mine, I don’t feel quite so odd now…yayaya. haha, that made me laugh and smile 😀

      Like

  3. April 21, 2014 at 4:34 PM

    Ha this brought back memories from my childhood when my sister refused to let me sit next to the window to cool down down and I ended up being sick in her curly, ginger hair. Long car journeys with kids is not for the faint hearted. My mother did resort to medicating me with travel sickness pills after that…

    Like

    • April 21, 2014 at 4:44 PM

      Oh yikes, car sickness is just soooo horibble and my eldest always asks for the window to be put down a fraction, I think he suffers too.

      I am glad it brought back memories, though not the nicest LOL..I hope it made you chuckle at least.

      Huggles x

      Like

  4. April 21, 2014 at 4:38 PM

    Road Kill Eye Spy seems pretty reasonable to me 😀

    As for everything else, the phrases “it never rains but it pours” and “bad things come in threes” spring to mind lol xx

    Like

    • April 21, 2014 at 4:44 PM

      Hah your right…I thought you might think Road Kill Eye Spy reasonable. hahaha..haha

      does this mean you admit to playing it already? grins LOL

      Like

  5. April 21, 2014 at 6:35 PM

    Lol, stories like this will always be remembered, Justine! I’ve had similar family experiences both as a child and with my own children who are now grown. Just NOT all on one trip though! Maybe you need a vacation to recover from the vacation. Hopefully, the boys have returned to school to you can get some much needed rest and quiet!

    Like

    • April 21, 2014 at 7:18 PM

      Hah not until tomorrow one and one the day after. We also had one day in accident and emergency and arrived to a mouldy damp chalet so insisted on getting moved the next day hah it was full on!

      Like

      • April 21, 2014 at 7:46 PM

        Oh no! Well on the plus side, you’ll have many stories to share via blogging! 😉

        Like

  6. April 21, 2014 at 11:25 PM

    OMG you seriously need a vacation. WITHOUT SHREK OR KIDS OR DOGS!!! ✨💥💖🙀. That was more thsn any mother should bear!! I thought you were going to tell us Shrek started running over animals just to be able to count more dead ones for the game!

    Like

    • April 22, 2014 at 7:39 AM

      Omg lol that last sentence you wrote made me laugh out loud! Sammy you naughty women you!!!!! 😀

      Like

      • April 22, 2014 at 12:01 PM

        :-). You told the tale so well. What a sense of humor you take with your many family afflictions and adventures. Sometimes all you can do is laugh. (Or write!)

        Like

  7. April 22, 2014 at 1:21 AM

    OMG, JUSTINE, THIS IS HILARIOUS. I was laughing out loud the whole time. Poor Bailey looked so confused. Heheheh. You had quite the trip there! I love the way you incorporate dialogue into your stories. Too funny!

    Like

    • April 22, 2014 at 8:25 AM

      Thank you, and I am glad to make you laugh, poor Bailey bet he was glad not to be there..sheesh, the troubles my dogs get up to right? xx

      Like

      • April 22, 2014 at 2:03 PM

        But life would be so boring without them! Huggles!

        Like

  8. April 22, 2014 at 1:59 AM

    While likely not on your ‘best trips of the month list’ it is too funny… I can picture the goings-on and it is at times like this that I realize our drives while not as adventurous and fun like yours’… are kinda peaceful… We do have a doggie that is often in the back seat and has occasionally ‘barfed’ but not the other… Ahh but memories are made at times like this… Diane

    Like

    • April 22, 2014 at 5:58 AM

      Yes not the best trip but it did provide a suitcase full of memories lol! It was a bit like a carry on movie or a laurel and hardy experience but I seem to think our content a little different hehe! As long as my writings provide a smile and uplift for just a moment then that’s great 🙂 so I appreciate your feedback 😀

      Like

  9. April 22, 2014 at 4:20 AM

    Oh my God!!!!!! I am laughing so hard I’m crying… this is your best post EVER! It is hysterical. I can hear the boys… smell the dogs… see the Shrek… feel your need to just get home. Seriously… your writing on this one is PERFECT. What a treat to read it. I’m reposting just so I can reread it… often!

    Like

    • April 22, 2014 at 7:34 AM

      Hah thank you for the repost that is rather special and your words made me laugh too! Being a doggy person I thought you might like that post if you could stomach the content hehe 😀

      Like

  10. April 22, 2014 at 4:21 AM

    Reblogged this on Meghan aka FireBonnet and commented:
    Hysterical!!!!

    Like

  11. April 22, 2014 at 7:35 AM

    Great story Justine, I think most of us with children have some tale to relate about trips such as yours. in reading I couldn’t help but think you might like to read a poem i rote some time ago and posted on my friend Lou’s blog, it is in keeping with your post.

    http://misslouella.wordpress.com/2014/02/08/ode-to-crap/

    Like

    • April 22, 2014 at 8:31 AM

      Oh my goodness….haha..i read your poem, who else could write a poem about such a thing hey? Only you. I am seeing a different side to you haha, well the first comment really made me laugh, perhaps TMI but you did ask for it. Thanks for sharing, I was very tempted to re-blog it but it might send my readers just over the edge on to the unfollow button haha..im laughing out loud, thanks for that xx

      Like

      • April 22, 2014 at 8:34 AM

        Haha I’m happy you saw the funny side of it. I have been surprised by how many people have read it and commented.
        Thanks for reading
        Michael

        Like

  12. April 22, 2014 at 9:53 AM

    It is a looong exchausting dramatic journey with ungorgetable interesting facts, and now at home you feel exchausted, have a nice rest home again Justine.

    Like

  13. April 25, 2014 at 12:12 PM

    OH EM GEE!! I am laughing so hard right now! I can picture the chaos in my head. I’ve been there….lol. We also play the Road Kill Game. Its rather popular in the desert where not much is going on…lol. Though we add a twist. You don’t get points until you get three of the same dead animal…..

    Like

    • April 25, 2014 at 12:35 PM

      hah oh wow I shall have to remember that LOL..sheeesh its odd discovering families or people with the same weird natures hahaha

      Like

  14. April 25, 2014 at 12:18 PM

    OMG, you poor dear!!! What a crappy journey, literally… Hope you had a full recovery, all of you!

    Like

    • April 25, 2014 at 12:36 PM

      Haha yes that was a week ago, the washing machine is fixed and the pile is slowly getting less. How are you my fiance? ❤

      Like

      • April 25, 2014 at 7:29 PM

        Ah, I have so many new posts to catch up with! I only took an occasional peek here and there when on holiday 😦 But now I’m finally back and settling down to normal! Hope my washing machine won’t start leaking. I have about a hundred of work emails to respond to and several proofreading jobs to do by the start of the week, but I hope to take a look of what you’ve been up to on your blog! I see you’re constantly improving it! You’re on your way to become a professional blogger, right 😉 Enjoy your weekend and see you around!

        Like

        • April 26, 2014 at 2:14 PM

          haha your funny re professional blogger..Nah not quite there yet, I think I just linked up twitter on the Living in East Sheen blog, nothing else, oh yes I linked up Pinterest too..hehe..its all fuzzing up my mind, too much to take in, i just need to write LOL

          Like

          • April 26, 2014 at 5:31 PM

            I love it that your blogs are constantly evolving. You’re doing a lot of changes! Maybe the changes are not too noticeable for a casual visitor, but I notice these things and appreciate them a lot. You rock it!

            Like

            • April 27, 2014 at 12:19 PM

              Hehe i have done some changes but not sure I am happy with them. I put on a blog roll, but I had resisted doing this. One of the challenge days said to do this. Personally I think it makes it look quite messy plus I think it detracts from the actual post. After we have a blog so that people firstly read our posts rather than get distracted by side bars. Someone critiqued my blog and said exactly that, and its the same with me, when there is a blog roll my eyes wander to the faces on them whilst i am trying to read so I am thinking I might remove it. What do you think about it? xx

              Like

  15. May 3, 2014 at 12:40 AM

    Haha, what a story! Sammy D sent me the link – we were discussing writing poo stories. Your story wins hand down any poo story competition!!

    I LOVE that you played the road kill game with your kids btw – your family sounds awesome.

    Like

    • May 3, 2014 at 4:02 PM

      lol, thats funny you were discussing even writing a poo story, yes mine was rather pooey to say the least. Glad you stopped by you might like my last Fiesta Friday entry too, that was erm rather explosive but no poo thankfully xx

      Like

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