A crap journey!
Mara from Mara Easterns personal blog said to me with regards to this post ….
“Repulsed” in an interesting choice. I was thinking of “rejection” first… Hope there’s nothing repulsive about your Easter though 😉
I had to cough slightly as I could not say that that was true…those faint hearted and not doggy lovers best click on to a different post of mine (of course I won’t direct you anywhere else…snickers!)
So I continue
We were returning from our weeks vacation in lovely North Devon, having relaxed and walked amongst the sand dunes and taken in the sea air.
I was nervous about the drive and possible traffic, mainly due to my back and chronic pain. Sitting sets my pain levels off, so I dosed up and hoped that it wouldn’t be too horrendous.
We will add to the mix the car is full of one husband (shrek), I shall refer to him as shrek from now on. It honestly isn’t an insult, he is quite proud of the name and there is good reasoning for the likening.
Then there are my two boys, plus two dogs, who were squashed in to the footwell, not the chldren, the dogs that is 🙂
To set the scene
- One of my sons has tics, which involves him shouting out and making loud noises which can be quite jarring over a long period of time though I know he can’t help it, but it gives an idea as to the ambiance within the car. (you can read about Tourettes in another of my posts, here & here)
- My other son has ADHD and constantly needs to talk, make noise and or move about.
- Shrek sings loudly upon occassion and or picks his nose, plus needs to eats lots of sweets otherwise he falls asleep.
- The dogs, oh my, really they stink, they fart constantly and Teddy was trying to get between the chairs to come and visit us at the front, a definite no, no.
How to entertain the kids on a journey?
How do you do this as parents?
Do you do it the ‘cheating’ way and just throw tablets at them? (no I don’t mean medicate them up, though this has crossed my mind on a few occasions when encountering much stress).
Or do you play games, get quiet time, do they fall asleep? Oh my they must be angels then..haha…
As you can imagine, it’s pretty frantic in the car.
So we played “eye spy” as one does, however last year when playing this we missed our stop and had to backtrack a few hours back up the motorway.
So this year before the game was even mentioned, I say to shrek “wow there are so many dead animals on the road it is shocking”. He mumbles, then starts to point out the dead animals and or birds. He gets quite animated about it.(I was a little concerned over this!)
What happens next?
The kids want to know what is going on “what is daddy pointing at?”
In my defense at this point I would like to point out that I was utterly shattered and just wanted the car ride to be over. I think my mind rationale left me at this stage.
I say responsibly?? “Daddy is pointing out dead animals and birds”.
Brain fart moment..“let’s play eye spy and see who can count the most dead animals or birds by the time we get to our destination. Whoever gets the most wins”
Did I really say this?
OMG they loved this game, I am worried about my family. But what a game to play…seriously…you should have heard the conversation…
“Theres a dead bird, one point to me”
Answer from shrek “no that doesn’t count as that was part of the bird was just saw”
Child starts to cry “but that’s not fair”
Shrek “it’s fair you can’t count body parts split up along the road”
(seriously I am laughing with a sense of OMG running through my veins, did we really do this, did we? The answer is yes)…..
I feel a sense of guilt that I have introduced this game of spotting road kill.
So on the way back, yes the tablets came out..I wanted them to forget the Road Kill Game.
The next stage of the story..
I wind down the window, I need a blast of cold air against my face. It seems to help with the slowly meandering sensation of pain that threatens to invade my body, panic sets in, the cold blast, literally blasts it away.
Shrek shouts “I am bloody cold, put the window up, my fingers will freeze and I won’t be able to drive.”
This is slightly dramatic to say the least considering the weather is warm. I tend to ignore him in these moments. Window goes up however.
I hear panting, I look back, it’s not the children.
My old pug, ‘splodge’ is panting and for those who have seen him before his tongue always sticks out. It is now on the floor.
PANIC SETS IN, OMG HE IS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK
“WIND DOWN THE WINDOWS, ALL OF THEM” I shout.
My reasoning being he has small flat nostrils and being wedged in the foot well there is no circulating air, he is old = heart attack.
He stops panting for a while = result.
Then he starts again, the same process over a few times, the dog moves about in his small foot well.
Windows go back up, I look back, something is not quite right.
I see my pugs bottom, I see my sons expensive running shoes, I smell something!
OMG the dog is pooing all over the foot well, over my sons shoes, everywhere!!!
Then he sits, then he turns, basically smearing a runny tummy all over the place. (yes I won’t go in to detail of speed or texture of his eruption)
I turn to shrek who is driving the car down the motorway “Oh my god, you should have not fed the dog that spicy left over sausage, frankfurters do not agree with him, pull over, pull over”.
Meanwhile my 11yr old son starts shouting “I hate the bloody dog, the bloody dog pooed all over my feet, I can’t believe the dog did that”
Trying to explain to him at this point that the dog can’t talk and ask the car to stop so he can poop isn’t really going to make a difference.
Then he starts to tic REALLY loudly inbetween making gagging sounds as he holds back from vomiting over everyone.
The windows are wound down, we eventually find a residential area to pull over in.
Shrek pulls the cushion covered in poop out, which flies in sections all over the road. Shrek then treads in it!!! Shrek then swears a lot.
My eldest son is still swearing at the dog who at this point is out on his lead excavating himself further over a small patch of grass.(the dog not my son)
My youngest is running around with teddy on a lead shouting and laughing hysterically at all the goings on and winding his brother up.
Luckily we had lots of water bottles and a whole roll of loo paper stolen from the chalet (yes for some reason I panic if there is no loo paper around, but do you blame me with a family like mine?)
To cut a long story short..all was cleaned up, my son does not swear at the dog anymore, it took him a day to get over it.
The soiled items were put in to a bag ready for the washing machine.
I with gloved hands put said items in the washing machine when I got home and pressed start..walked away…returned…OMG did the dog pee everywhere? Nope the washing machine flooded!!!
That’s family life for one right?
Thanks for those who could stomach reading this, but I had to for some sick reason share my story!
© Justine @ Eclecticoddsnsods.com