The Darkness #1

The Darkness #1

pink band on the pavement

Photography101: Pop of colour

The heavily varnished purple door of the Victorian building started to swing towards the glinting sunlight.  Chubby fingers with scraps of pink glittery varnish wrapped around the centralized brass acorn shaped door furnishing giving it a hefty tug.

Sophie’s face scrunched up with the effort of it all as a click was heard.  The heavy wooden exit partially closed, separating her from Edward being nursed as usual in her mothers arms, she had achieved her goal.

Mossy green eyes glanced towards the early Sunday’s rays as irises constricted, blinking pale red lashes whilst the eight year old’s body descended the stairs, making headway towards the pavement.

It was one of those mornings, having a slight cool breeze in the air.  Yet the sunshine was dazzling against the night’s rain that had splashed upon the mish mash of broken and new paving stones.

One after the other her patent red shoes came in to view, stamping upon each Autumnal leaf that dressed the ground. She twisted with vigour before moving to the next, as if squishing out frustrations or anger.  ‘Why did things have to change?’ crept through her thoughts.

Sophie was fed up of life at home, ‘There must be more to existing’, questioned her young mind as fingertips’ scrunched against the white cotton dress chosen by her mother for Church.

She felt like a meringue, cheeks were still red from the morning’s hissy fit at not being allowed to wear her red trousers.  The youngster moved down the empty pavement, no one to be seen even as the smell of freshly baked croissants  from the bakery down the road filtered in to her nostrils

Sophie’s tummy grumbled as a wisp of air made her light fringe tickle against furrowed forehead, one hand lifting to rub the itch as it then grasped the pink band out of her braid.  “From now on I do my own hair” she announced forcefully to an empty audience as the pink elastic circle dropped limply to the ground.

Small shoulders’ rounded fleetingly against the sudden onset of a chill as her feet came to a standstill, a dark shadow akin to a thunder cloud taking the sparkle out of the rain splatters upon the pavement.

Instead a shadowy form appeared, moving slowly over and infront of her vision, a large circle with a thin attachment from which seemed to spread wings, wings that spanned from one side of the road to the other, wings that became real as they cloaked the young girl until she was gone….

Thank you for reading my moment of fiction inspired by Andy Townend ,  Andrew Seal & Cheney who have either persuaded, cajoled or given me ideas to make a story out of my original post that you can see here.

The Question is – Should there be more?  Honest feedback appreciated, don’t be polite, honesty is the best policy?  Does this spark an interest to wonder what happened next?  Is there room for improvement?  Something you might have changed?

© Justine Nagaur Eclecticoddsnsods.com

dark wings

dark wings

NaBloPoMo_November

NaBloPoMo_November

NaBloPoMo Day 23

#nablopomo

  63 comments for “The Darkness #1

  1. November 23, 2014 at 10:50 AM

    “Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. November 23, 2014 at 10:58 AM

    A horror story about a little feminist! (That’s how I interpret it 😉 ) I’m loving it, and I’m slightly scared…

    Liked by 2 people

    • November 23, 2014 at 12:40 PM

      haha i really like that i hadn’t thought of the feminist side hehe, love your feedback ❤

      Like

      • November 23, 2014 at 12:43 PM

        You know, the thing about literature scholars (of whom I’m a modest sample) is that we don’t try to find out what the author meant, rather, we examine the effect that the writer of the work created, consciously or otherwise. So, whatever your purpose was, for me it’s a feminist story 🙂 It’s not like feminism is a swear word, right?

        Liked by 2 people

        • November 23, 2014 at 12:48 PM

          haha of course it isn’t but i like it that it invoked that in you. From the writers perspective its a joy to hear the interpretations 😀 x

          Liked by 1 person

  3. November 23, 2014 at 11:16 AM

    You did it! I was inside the little girl’s head, revelling in her sense of freedom and then a shiver ran down my back…love it…terrifying on so many levels…and thank you for the credit…hope your other audience also like it as much!! I can see the book cover already 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • November 23, 2014 at 12:43 PM

      hah can you and what does the book cover look like? I am intrigued 😀 Well i am glad i took you on a journey for a short while and a pleasure for the credit after all you have been prompting me the most, the question is does it continue? grins….. xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 23, 2014 at 4:54 PM

        Oh, it must continue, no? I will need to have a think about the cover although the pink hairband photo would be perfect, that story was haunting….x

        Liked by 1 person

        • November 24, 2014 at 1:31 PM

          ooh lala well yes the pink band would make a good cover now I think about it,hehe as for the next chapter, i was a bit lost for ideas now there are too many ideas…i need to scribble notes except i am rubbish at that i just like tossing and turning them around in my head! I need to learn better practise x

          Liked by 1 person

      • November 23, 2014 at 11:13 PM

        We will need to work on the next chapter….

        Liked by 1 person

  4. November 23, 2014 at 11:20 AM

    Ahhh suspense!!! What happened next? 😱 You have a book cover, sypnosis which left the reader wanting more and plenty of readers out here. More!

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 23, 2014 at 12:47 PM

      ooh lala well I am glad you liked it and wanted to know more, then I succeeded in drawing you in which is what I wanted to do 😀 Thank you so much for commenting…we shall see happens next hehe xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 24, 2014 at 12:58 AM

        Hehe you’re welcome! You’re an inspiration and hope i’ll one day be able to write and captivate the audience like u! Hehe 😬

        Like

        • November 24, 2014 at 1:25 PM

          awe thank you those are such lovely words, gives me a smile for the day x

          Liked by 1 person

          • November 24, 2014 at 2:18 PM

            Hope you don’t mind me borrowing your picture, I got tempted again XD
            http://www.nty6x.com/blog/?attachment_id=416

            Liked by 1 person

            • November 24, 2014 at 3:35 PM

              Hey icant find it where is it? Xx

              Like

              • November 24, 2014 at 3:36 PM

                Hmm, the link i posted didn’t work?

                Like

            • November 24, 2014 at 6:39 PM

              hah just saw it….very clever, what is that down the side of the pavement? Your very clever with photoshop or whatever it is you use. Now I will need my photo back plus your additions lol, its like swap! x

              Liked by 1 person

              • November 25, 2014 at 12:53 AM

                Hahaha! The photo by itself is great in setting the scene already. Then i wondered what would happen if i put those wings in 😀 GIMP is what i use!
                Hahaha ok you can have it back *hands it over but holds on to it tightly until the very last second* 😆

                Liked by 1 person

                • November 25, 2014 at 2:32 PM

                  hehe good, well I might well use it on the next episode, grins…insipration..so thank you x

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • November 26, 2014 at 1:46 AM

                    Haha you’re welcome and oh yeah, the thing on the pavement to the left i tried to make it creepier by making it seem like the shadow is creeping on the walls towards her 😮 if that was what you’re referring to in the prev question.

                    Liked by 1 person

  5. November 23, 2014 at 3:15 PM

    You did great!! It’s all perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 24, 2014 at 1:32 PM

      yay thank you 😀 i shall continue then next weekend hehe x

      Like

  6. November 23, 2014 at 4:09 PM

    Ohhh great suspenseful writing Justine. I’m also wondering what happens next.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 24, 2014 at 1:32 PM

      hehe good, well in a weeks time the next chapter might come out, hopefully it shall intrigue as much x

      Like

  7. November 23, 2014 at 4:18 PM

    Great story!

    You have a lot of description in there, which is great for creating the setting. I really like the ending. There’s a lot of good stuff here that can be taken in different directions.

    While I would like to know what happens to Sophie, the writer in me wants to say that you should never tell anyone what happens to her.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 24, 2014 at 1:31 PM

      ah yes even i do not know where it will go…many many directions bumping around in my mind….we shall see and thank you for your very positive and uplifting comments, thats lovely x

      Like

  8. November 23, 2014 at 6:27 PM

    I think the story is well done, it makes me want to read more. I am a fan of the genre, horror, suspense and the like. So this is right up my alley.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 24, 2014 at 1:29 PM

      oooh well if you like it i take that as a great compliment, the fact you obviously read a lot of that genre makes me nervous now lol, I shall have to keep up the entertainment level then…grins xx

      Like

  9. November 23, 2014 at 11:15 PM

    Nice one Justine. Very nice. I can see her squishing those leaves in a tantrum. And what has taken her? You will continue the story, right? Right?? X

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 24, 2014 at 1:27 PM

      oooh eeer…well I was waiting for enough feedback but all so far has been pretty positive so yus me thinks I will ‘attempt’ to continue the story it is splintering off in my head in many ways gotta tame it back lol x

      Liked by 1 person

  10. November 24, 2014 at 8:17 PM

    (*eyes are really wide*) Woah…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. November 25, 2014 at 9:59 AM

    Very nice pop of colour photo. I like how the lines just disappear into the background.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 25, 2014 at 2:30 PM

      Thank you and did you get a chance to read the story that went with it…The Darkness? x

      Like

      • November 25, 2014 at 2:55 PM

        No, I must admit that I didn’t read anything.
        Usually I comment from work, so a quick look at pictures and a like is all I’ve got time for. Sometimes I throw in a comment .

        Liked by 1 person

        • November 25, 2014 at 3:32 PM

          ah yes i thought so sometimes the reader only shows a pic and nothing else too xx

          Like

  12. November 25, 2014 at 4:14 PM

    wow! this photograph is right down my alley: monochrome, dark, wet 😉 and mysterious. love, love love it! and the hint of fuchsia just added a playfulness in the scene.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 25, 2014 at 4:27 PM

      awe thank you and did you get to read the story too with it? x

      Like

      • November 25, 2014 at 4:31 PM

        about Sophie? I wanted it longer but if you make a serial out of it, i might forgive you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • November 25, 2014 at 4:58 PM

          hah yes, I have had enough interest to write another one next Sunday….grins..lets see whether i am a dark or light mood then..winks x

          Liked by 1 person

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