Odious Gas

Odious Gas

Well my back & pain issues seem not to be hindering me as much as usual, I need to touch some wood now.  This means I am getting out more which is great.  This also means I am circulating amongst the general public.

smile

smile

Now generally I love the general public.  I am that smiley person that walks down or up the street and especially enjoys saying a cheery “hello” to someone completely in a world of their own or looking like the world is about to come to an end.

The response I sometimes get is a frown or to totally ignore me like I am some lunatic.  But just occasionally the person looks surprised, then smiles and surprises even themselves when they say a cheery “hello” back and I just hope that somehow I have brightened their day.

This is all good and well but we move on from romanticising the public and get to reality, confined spaces and the general public.

You see I live in a house of four males, a number of animals and as such I am used to smells, boy smells and farts, you know what I mean.  After all is not a lot of British humour around that very thing, the fart and ‘toilet humour’.

However I had a shocking experience that could well make me crawl back in to my shell or fear the bus for future journeys.

There was a man, late 30’s I would say, his girlfriend was sitting, he was standing.  He was well dressed and as such I assumed would have nice manners too.  He laid out his luggage so that he unnecessarily took over the whole of the pram area.

I have to stand because of my back and as such had to stand in the vicinity of his monopoly.

He then proceeded to spread out his arms and clutch on to the two metal poles with the STOP buttons on either side to me, effectively trapping me in my position.

Man farting

Man farting

He then proceeded to fart.  I didn’t hear it.  But I knew he did it, it was silent but deadly and it hit me with quite a force.

I literally gagged.

It was the thought of some odious gas coming out of a complete strangers ass that really got to me. I obviously had too much time to think and all that I could think about was his bottom or rather you know that ‘other area’ with something foul emanating from it.

You see, he’s a stranger, I don’t want to smell what is coming out of there.  I tried to find all sorts of ways to escape the smell.  So I started waving my lovely furry mitts about my face, then breathing out heavily, no doubt the punters on the bus thought I was some kind of pervert or suffering an attack…which I was!!!

It was all in all a psychologically scarring experience and I have to admit I looked at the man in complete disgust, he did not look at me.

I am now home and can relax, but this man seriously needed this: The Fart Blocker

It really does exist, pants that claim to be a Flatulence Deodorizer, wow, they should hand these out free before people get on public transport.

If you wish to buy this lovely present for your partner or smelly teenager you can do so here:  Flatulence Deodorizer and no, I do not get paid by them to advocate this, but a jolly good idea.

fart-blocker

fart-blocker

Thank you for reading my outburst!

Justine x

© Justine Nagaur Eclecticoddnsods.com

  27 comments for “Odious Gas

  1. November 24, 2014 at 4:49 PM

    I say there was a missed opportunity. When someone lets loose gas of such abominable qualities as that man did, I’d fart myself to cover it with his.

    In all seriousness, though, he might have a medical condition. I would have asked him, “Sir, are your bowels in working order? There seems to be some noxious fumes percolating in there.”

    Like

    • November 24, 2014 at 4:52 PM

      Ah yes he could of buit it was the double whammy of entrapment which i dont believe he could exolain away medically :-p lol and i could never fart to cover anothers…gasps 😀

      Like

  2. November 24, 2014 at 6:29 PM

    Oh my Gad, that made my day. You know why farts smell? They stink because tiny, like, molecular pieces of that guy’s turds have escaped into the air, and have been sucked into your nose.
    That’s all I can ever think about when I smell a fart. On some level, I’m sucking in someone’s fecal matter. Yum.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. November 24, 2014 at 7:58 PM

    I have never heard of this kind of thing before!

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 25, 2014 at 2:34 PM

      hah me neither it literally snuck up on me and i thought wow!

      Like

  4. November 24, 2014 at 8:37 PM

    Lol and ewww all rolled into one – glad you made it home alive! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 25, 2014 at 2:34 PM

      just about…a nice warm shower got rid of the imagined smell on my clothign lol x

      Like

  5. November 24, 2014 at 10:17 PM

    Aw Justine, you crack me up lol. I recommend carrying a small bottle of air freshener around in your purse, just in case 😉 xx

    Liked by 2 people

  6. November 25, 2014 at 9:04 PM

    Hahaha, at least mine wasn’t smelly!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. November 30, 2014 at 11:33 PM

    Some people’s kids huh? A little payback never hurt anyone! Lol maybe.. Haha

    Liked by 1 person

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