Well my back & pain issues seem not to be hindering me as much as usual, I need to touch some wood now. This means I am getting out more which is great. This also means I am circulating amongst the general public.
Now generally I love the general public. I am that smiley person that walks down or up the street and especially enjoys saying a cheery “hello” to someone completely in a world of their own or looking like the world is about to come to an end.
The response I sometimes get is a frown or to totally ignore me like I am some lunatic. But just occasionally the person looks surprised, then smiles and surprises even themselves when they say a cheery “hello” back and I just hope that somehow I have brightened their day.
This is all good and well but we move on from romanticising the public and get to reality, confined spaces and the general public.
You see I live in a house of four males, a number of animals and as such I am used to smells, boy smells and farts, you know what I mean. After all is not a lot of British humour around that very thing, the fart and ‘toilet humour’.
However I had a shocking experience that could well make me crawl back in to my shell or fear the bus for future journeys.
There was a man, late 30’s I would say, his girlfriend was sitting, he was standing. He was well dressed and as such I assumed would have nice manners too. He laid out his luggage so that he unnecessarily took over the whole of the pram area.
I have to stand because of my back and as such had to stand in the vicinity of his monopoly.
He then proceeded to spread out his arms and clutch on to the two metal poles with the STOP buttons on either side to me, effectively trapping me in my position.
He then proceeded to fart. I didn’t hear it. But I knew he did it, it was silent but deadly and it hit me with quite a force.
I literally gagged.
It was the thought of some odious gas coming out of a complete strangers ass that really got to me. I obviously had too much time to think and all that I could think about was his bottom or rather you know that ‘other area’ with something foul emanating from it.
You see, he’s a stranger, I don’t want to smell what is coming out of there. I tried to find all sorts of ways to escape the smell. So I started waving my lovely furry mitts about my face, then breathing out heavily, no doubt the punters on the bus thought I was some kind of pervert or suffering an attack…which I was!!!
It was all in all a psychologically scarring experience and I have to admit I looked at the man in complete disgust, he did not look at me.
I am now home and can relax, but this man seriously needed this: The Fart Blocker
It really does exist, pants that claim to be a Flatulence Deodorizer, wow, they should hand these out free before people get on public transport.
If you wish to buy this lovely present for your partner or smelly teenager you can do so here: Flatulence Deodorizer and no, I do not get paid by them to advocate this, but a jolly good idea.
Thank you for reading my outburst!
© Justine Nagaur Eclecticoddnsods.com