Writing 201: Journey

Writing 201: Journey

Today’s poetry assignment is to write a limerick, if feeling brave to add alliterations, pop in a dose of humour and focus on the word:

 Journey

Please note there are now two poems, my first attempt which I enjoyed but apparently I didn’t get the sentence lengths right for a limerick, the second one where I have dabbled and tried to rectify this.

Writing 201: Journey

Writing 201: Journey

The Flight

Bang, bang, bang goes my heart

I clench up my buttocks and try not to fart

The plane dips, there’s a surge in my gut

As I desperately try not to throw up

Vomit is certainly not a la carte!

~.~

The Captain’s voice booms through the plane

Suddenly I think life will never be the same

Knuckles whiten on the wild, wild ride

And I think we will nosedive in to the tide

I feel all my blood beginning to drain

~.~

Oh how I wish I had stayed at home

Then I could just have played with my phone

Poppycock to all these exotic destinations

Just leave me be to my own miserable nation

Just leave, leave, leave me alone

© Justine Nagaur

~.~

I actually really enjoyed writing this poem, injecting some humour fits my employ.  The bit that would make me stop is the 5th sentence, writing 4 flowed easily, making the 5th fit and flow a little harder.  So I hope I made it work and snuck in some alliterations.

What do you think?  Constructive feedback very very gratefully received 😉

 ~.~

Update

So apparently I totally missed out the bit of the lengths of the sentences, I looked it up and it should be approximately the following as in syllables for each of the 5 sentences:

1st 10

2nd 10

3rd 5-7

4th 5-7

5th 10

So I have re-written my poem, hopefully it NOW falls in to the criteria of a limerick though I am not sure I like it as much as my original.

And please note, I am not a drug user, I have no idea where that came from, it just spurts out of my  mind randomly with no control….

The Flight

The plane does a nose dive I try not to fart

Bang, bang, bang goes my exploding heart

I try not to throw up

In bag nor in cup

Vomit is not on the menu as a la carte

~.~

The Captain’s voice booms loudly through the plane

Suddenly life will never be the same

Knuckles pale and crack

It’s then I need smack

Or perhaps a tonne of cocaine

~.~

Oh how I wish I had stayed at my home

Then I could have just played with my iPhone

Crud to travelling

I’m unravelling

Just leave, leave, leave me alone in my home

Here is a little about limericks and alliterations, written by WordPress for those of you who wish to know.

Today’s form: limerick

You can tell a limerick from miles away:

It rarely takes a lot of time

To make the first two verses rhyme.

The third line is short.

The fourth? A mere snort.

You can sell limericks three for a dime.

Today’s device: alliteration

So much of poetry’s power is about sound — even when it’s printed, we hearpoetry as much as (if not more than) we read it — so it comes as no surprise that repeating the same sound makes for a powerful effect. Today’s device,alliteration, is all about using the same consonant multiple times in close proximity: think “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,” or “Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty” (thanks, Axl!).

  61 comments for “Writing 201: Journey

  1. February 17, 2015 at 10:04 AM

    Beautiful words and amazing meaning!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. February 17, 2015 at 10:06 AM

    love it!

    Like

  3. Kez.Gutierrez
    February 17, 2015 at 10:22 AM

    I loved the second stanza the most, and your poem overall entertaining! Some lines disrupted the beat and flow but really what I love most was the light and fun beat that reflected your poem’s atmosphere and content. 🙂 Forgive me for the little comment, but I enjoyed it a lot!

    Like

    • February 17, 2015 at 10:32 AM

      hello there, thank you so much for popping by, I am not sure what a stanza is, I am such a novice, perhaps you could explain that to me please? also no need to apologize, I love constructive feedback I can only learn from it 🙂 appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, glad you enjoyed it x

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kez.Gutierrez
        February 17, 2015 at 10:45 AM

        No need to apologize! And hey! Loving the use on ‘novice’ there, fellow novice (cause in my blog I’m the Little Novice, silly lame joke I know) 😉 And it’s my pleasure stopping by! Don’t apologize, poetry has hundreds of terms and techniques it’s hard to keep up on all of them. Keep learning and writing, you’re doing great.

        Liked by 1 person

        • February 17, 2015 at 1:34 PM

          hah i am a total novice. yes poetry seems to be totally complex, but its fun learning I need to write notes in future i think lol x

          Like

    • February 17, 2015 at 10:33 AM

      I looked up stanza…learning slowly x

      Like

  4. February 17, 2015 at 12:57 PM

    It works well. I’ve been on flights like this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 17, 2015 at 1:28 PM

      hah yes, i dont like flying, i just like the destinations. I have had a bit of a pickle as was told by a non blogger that my limerick was not in fact a limerick due to the senetnce lengths, this I didn’t worry about at the time when I wrote it as I just wrote what came naturally but making sure it was the aabba and had some of the alliterations or whatever they call it. Not sure how I can cut it down now ;( was a bit deflating to be told that

      Like

      • February 17, 2015 at 1:47 PM

        Here is my opinion. Typically I think of a particular rhythm structure for limericks. I don’t know if they -have- to have that structure, but they usually do. Most of them I know I can repeat here 😉 but I’m sure you can Google “limerick” and find a non-X-Rated version. Since you didn’t follow the rhythm pattern I’m not sure if your poem is made of “real” limericks or not. I do like the poem as is. In my opinion you can say it’s a poem with an aabba structure and not mention “limerick”. The poem works on its own. Then look up the rhythm pattern and try your hand at making something with that pattern.

        Liked by 1 person

        • February 17, 2015 at 3:10 PM

          yes I did do a little search and I think i will see if i can actually either reduce the existing down and have both sets on the post or write a new one, but not sure i can face the latter, you know you get your mojo for a bit, it happens then it’s gone for a while, that’s how it works for me hehe. PS you made me giggle not being able to find a non X rate limmerick x

          Liked by 1 person

          • February 17, 2015 at 3:16 PM

            About a year ago I put up some “clean” limericks – I did the Iliad and Odyssey as limericks. Here’ the Iliad.

            Swift-footed Achilles got mad
            This made the Greeks real sad
            He let out a sigh
            When he saw his friend die
            Then he beat Hector real bad

            Actually, I think I might repost it.

            I’d like to see what you come up with when you do your re-write.

            Liked by 1 person

            • February 17, 2015 at 3:21 PM

              hah love your limerick. I just brought up a word document to try and brave a re-write, but I will keep the original up xx

              Liked by 1 person

            • February 17, 2015 at 3:47 PM

              I re-wrote it lol, I did the aabba, I looked up that it should be:
              1st sentence = approx 10 syllables
              2nd 10
              3rd 5-7
              4th 5-7
              5th approx 10

              I think I threw in some alliterations…

              But well the theme/words went a bit wild haha, really not sure what will be made of it

              Liked by 1 person

              • February 17, 2015 at 3:56 PM

                So where is it? OK, OK, I’ll stop being pushy. Just read it out loud and see if it has that lilting sound. Looking forward to reading the new poem.

                Liked by 1 person

                • February 17, 2015 at 4:02 PM

                  hah it’s there 🙂 I hope it is anyway lol x Same post as before just further down x

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • February 17, 2015 at 4:19 PM

                    I see it now! Cute. I like the original better, but the new one does have that limericky silliness.

                    Liked by 1 person

        • February 17, 2015 at 3:10 PM

          ps thank you for your constructive criticism x

          Liked by 1 person

  5. February 17, 2015 at 1:31 PM

    I love the whole poem…entertained me a lot…I was giggling all the way down! 😍

    Like

  6. February 17, 2015 at 1:44 PM

    LOL – this frequent flyer loves your limerick!! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 17, 2015 at 3:11 PM

      oh crickey yes i just thought of that oh my i hope i havn’t put ideas in your mind lol x

      Liked by 1 person

  7. February 17, 2015 at 2:36 PM

    This is hilarious!! I just told my hubby the other day that since we haven’t traveled abroad in a while, I think I’m starting to get seriously scared of flying. Since we love to see other countries, he told me I’ll have to get over it, but now your limerick has me thinking otherwise…haha!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 17, 2015 at 3:05 PM

      haha sorry about that lmao…so sorry, well i hope you can forget my poem shortly and go on an adventure hehe….I love the destinations, just hate the flying x

      Liked by 1 person

  8. February 17, 2015 at 3:26 PM

    Bravo … I’m clapping ecstatically … interesting to read a poem with stanzas made of limerick … cool!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. February 17, 2015 at 3:50 PM

    I think my little group of friends is going alliterate crazy today! Bunch of limericks making me laugh like a mad woman!
    Will read it again when I compose myself…I stopped at your farts…
    lol

    Liked by 2 people

    • February 17, 2015 at 4:00 PM

      haha funny, i wrote a second one below now that apparently is more limerick size wize, but still farts int here but think i prefer the first one, will be interested to see what you think heh ex

      Like

  10. February 17, 2015 at 4:18 PM

    Hilarious, what a great and earthy poem about flying… I used to be terrified of flying, and then I did so much of it for a while that I grew bored. This whole poem, farts and all, just captures that feeling of horror when the plane vibrates and then drops into an air pocket….and the even “better” feeling when you see one of the flight attendants let slip a look of fear they were trying to suppress!!

    Like

  11. February 17, 2015 at 4:18 PM

    I liked both versions very much. I don’t think one is “better” than the other, they are just different! When I read what you considered to be wrong with the first one I realized I had also done it “wrong” because I had only followed the directions in the side bar and it didn’t say anything about length of sentences. Then I remembered the length instructions had been in one of the limerick examples Ben had written. Then I thought about what I had written and realized my 3rd and 4th sentences were short. So I had followed that instruction without even knowing it was an instruction!!!!

    Like

  12. February 17, 2015 at 5:24 PM

    The more I googled stuff about limericks, the more contradicting info I found. My take on the limerick is that its structure has evolved over time, and it’s okay not to follow a strict format. Since the Daily Post’s challenge was to include alteration, I focused more on sound patterns than number of syllables. I had a hard time hitting the publish button because I really do not know if I did it “right”.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. February 17, 2015 at 8:07 PM

    I like the 1st version a lot. Especially the 1st two lines … so funny. But I hope the plane didn’t crash.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. February 17, 2015 at 10:49 PM

    Ach!! This is where I went wrong! I was lazy and didn’t research so I missed the syllable/rhythm “rule”. Ah, well. Lesson learned.

    Both poems were lovely, but because the second was catchy, I remember it most (smiling when I do). And now I will always associate limericks w/ flying and trying not to fart. 😛 See you for tomorrow’s assignment!

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 18, 2015 at 1:28 PM

      ah no, not lazy of course not and i did this myself, but i just let it flow and actually i preferred my original so its not always good to get too caught up in rules 🙂 x

      Like

  15. February 18, 2015 at 1:28 AM

    Oh Justine, you make me laugh as much as some of my poems on my other blog make you blush….the first stanza in the origianl made me laugh out loud and kept me in a smiling mood:) I love them both but much prefer your first one…a fun poem to read with the limerick beat to it…and you are too funny!!! Bravo, kiddo!! you are surely to pass with flying colours:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 18, 2015 at 1:26 PM

      hehe thank you very much what lovely words. how are you doing and feeling today Missus?

      I wrote my third poem today, on a more seriou and emotional note, here it is:

      http://eclecticoddsnsods.com/2015/02/18/writing-201-trust/

      Only if you get time of course xxx

      Like

      • February 18, 2015 at 5:15 PM

        Getting for work…I am fine as long as I don’t freeze…lol…it looks a bit warmer today, thanks…will try to catch up reading at my break at work if I have time. Huggles xx

        Liked by 1 person

  16. artseafartsea
    February 18, 2015 at 1:50 AM

    Liked your first limerick best. Got a real belly laugh out of it. That says something. :}

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 18, 2015 at 1:26 PM

      haht hank you glad it made you laugh and not scared of flying hehe x

      Liked by 1 person

      • artseafartsea
        February 18, 2015 at 7:00 PM

        I am more scared of the people at the airport who frisk you.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Jen
    February 18, 2015 at 2:22 AM

    I too liked your first set of limericks best! But take heart — the limerick is deceptively difficult to write! I’ve given up on the rules for limericks because the the “official rules” never seem to sound like a limerick. Instead, I model mine on “‘there once was a man from Nantucket”. (No kidding — I’m totally serious!)

    Brava, milady! you made a good go of it! And it’s funny —
    Ugh — flying is not MY favorite either — I’d be barfing in the little bags too, LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 18, 2015 at 1:25 PM

      yes you know what telling me about the Man from Nantucket i couldn’t get it out of my head when trying to compose todays poem, haha..was a nightmare, i was like “go away for today come again another day”

      Liked by 1 person

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