Writing 201: Journey
Today’s poetry assignment is to write a limerick, if feeling brave to add alliterations, pop in a dose of humour and focus on the word:
Please note there are now two poems, my first attempt which I enjoyed but apparently I didn’t get the sentence lengths right for a limerick, the second one where I have dabbled and tried to rectify this.
Bang, bang, bang goes my heart
I clench up my buttocks and try not to fart
The plane dips, there’s a surge in my gut
As I desperately try not to throw up
Vomit is certainly not a la carte!
The Captain’s voice booms through the plane
Suddenly I think life will never be the same
Knuckles whiten on the wild, wild ride
And I think we will nosedive in to the tide
I feel all my blood beginning to drain
Oh how I wish I had stayed at home
Then I could just have played with my phone
Poppycock to all these exotic destinations
Just leave me be to my own miserable nation
Just leave, leave, leave me alone
© Justine Nagaur
I actually really enjoyed writing this poem, injecting some humour fits my employ. The bit that would make me stop is the 5th sentence, writing 4 flowed easily, making the 5th fit and flow a little harder. So I hope I made it work and snuck in some alliterations.
What do you think? Constructive feedback very very gratefully received 😉
So apparently I totally missed out the bit of the lengths of the sentences, I looked it up and it should be approximately the following as in syllables for each of the 5 sentences:
So I have re-written my poem, hopefully it NOW falls in to the criteria of a limerick though I am not sure I like it as much as my original.
And please note, I am not a drug user, I have no idea where that came from, it just spurts out of my mind randomly with no control….
The plane does a nose dive I try not to fart
Bang, bang, bang goes my exploding heart
I try not to throw up
In bag nor in cup
Vomit is not on the menu as a la carte
The Captain’s voice booms loudly through the plane
Suddenly life will never be the same
Knuckles pale and crack
It’s then I need smack
Or perhaps a tonne of cocaine
Oh how I wish I had stayed at my home
Then I could have just played with my iPhone
Crud to travelling
Just leave, leave, leave me alone in my home
Here is a little about limericks and alliterations, written by WordPress for those of you who wish to know.
Today’s form: limerick
You can tell a limerick from miles away:
It rarely takes a lot of time
To make the first two verses rhyme.
The third line is short.
The fourth? A mere snort.
You can sell limericks three for a dime.
Today’s device: alliteration
So much of poetry’s power is about sound — even when it’s printed, we hearpoetry as much as (if not more than) we read it — so it comes as no surprise that repeating the same sound makes for a powerful effect. Today’s device,alliteration, is all about using the same consonant multiple times in close proximity: think “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,” or “Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty” (thanks, Axl!).